Summer Safety Tips for Parents

People often ask me about my experiences as a sex offender specialist.  Many times they seem fascinated and often times others seem a little confused.  Why I would choose such a career path, they ask.  Does it make a difference for a sex offender to receive counseling after they have already offended?  Well, there is a very long-winded answer to this question but it relates to the topic of child safety tips for parents now that summer is here. 

Though my own children are very small I would still like to consider summer activities for my soon-to-be 4 year-old that will be mutually rewarding: my child gets to have fun in a safe environment and mommy has reliable childcare.  Where my child will be and who will be around them are my number 1 concerns.  As I look for summer activities for my own little one I can't help but feel overwhelmed by hundreds of summer camps, programs, and sitters out there advertising for my business.  I don't know about you but in the area I live in, I can name 10 summer camps or programs off the top of my head.  There are 5 major summer day camps in my area that,to me, rival Disney World in size, offerings, and features.  Besides the big ticket summer camps there are local county parks programs or township recreation programs or local business programs and don't forget sleep-away and travel camps for the older kids.  It seems like a camp or program exists for every possible interest.  The options are endless!  So, where does one start to narrow it down? 

The only sure-thing we know is that we are running out of time to make a decision as this school year is swiftly coming to a close.  As many working parents are preparing and planning for the lapse of adult supervision that is summer vacation, their needs will most likely fall around finding full-day coverage for their kids.  While it may seem that there are so many options to choose from, choosing carefully will be the tricky part.  Regardless of the theme for summer camp 2012, consider making your child's personal safety the number one decision-making factor.  Here are some tips to secure your chosen camp or childcare providor is a perfect match when it comes to your child's personal safety:

• Do not make any decisions over the phone or on the Internet.  This may seem to some as common sense but consider this...we often make decisions based on what our friends and family do.  The urge to act off assumption (ie., thinking, 'My friend/family would not send their child to a place that isn't clean and safe.') but you must do your own homework.  Referrals, reputation, and reviews are great but when it comes to making a decision on where your child will be spending their time while away from you this summer narrow down your choices and make an appointment to check a few places out.  Some important things to note with regards to your child's personal safety are ensuring all employees of the camp or institution where your child will be spending their summer have been cleared by a criminal background check, the accomodations/rest rooms/isolated areas are up to your standards, you feel comfortable with the type of person your child's camp counselor or sitter is, and trust your instincts.

• Ask about company policy with regards to background checks.  Check to see that all employees are first cleared for working with children by a full criminal background check and ask if any employees have ever been convicted of a violent offense and/or an offense involving a child.  You have every right to know the answer to this question so you can make the best decision on where to send your child.  If the summer program is a private business or day care provider, do your own full background check on all persons working or living within the facility or private home with their permission.  The way in which a facility handles the issue of background checks will yield more answer as to how seriously they take the issue of child safety.  A facility that is less than happy to share this information with you or is wishy-washy with their answer is a facility I would stay away from as they might not take the child safety precautions that you would.

• Tour the facility and pay close attention to the accommodations.  Schedule a day and time where you can be guided on a full tour and pay particular attention to the areas where your child will likely be changing his/her clothes.  Note areas that are isolated and may be difficult to get to or see from the general grounds.  Ask a lot of questions about these areas: who has access to them, what are they used for, have children ever wandered off alone to them.  It may seem overly protective and maybe even a bit cynical but in all honesty safety and privacy are as important to children as they are to adults.  I would look for bunks/dorms, changing areas, and restrooms that provide full privacy and are sturdy (ie. well-built and free from holes to the outside or another room).  I cannot tell you how many times I have heard stories (from offenders themselves) of what is called "non-contact sexual offenses" of children who were bathing, changing their clothes, or using a restroom.  People who achieve sexual arousal by opportunistic, non-contact situations are impulsive and often fly under the radar.  The result is a victim who feels helpless and unsure (possibly even scared) of what they experienced and often do not tell.  Opportunistic offenders use real-life scenarios such as bathing a child, changing a child, or helping a child use the restroom to sexually abuse.  To maximize your child's safety take note of this and these areas and make a note to discuss the issue of personal safety while away from the group, changing clothes, and using the restroom while they are at camp.

• Ask questions about the person or camp counselor directly responsible for your child during their stay.  If you have a daughter, be sure a female is in charge.  If you have a son, be sure there is a male in charge.  This is usually the case but it is, again, it is foolish to make assumptions.  It may seem obvious but your child will feel more comfortable with her or his counselor if they are of the same gender.  While on the tour ask about this counselor that is expected to be in charge of your child.  Ask what their age is, where they have worked in the past, what their personality is like, how long they have been employed by the camp or business, and how she/her is regarded by other employees or even past campers and parents.  The answers to these questions will provide you with a profile of who this counselor is and how they might react to your child's personality and behavior.  From there you can decide how you will discuss with your child potential situations that may occur and how the counselor might handle it.  For instance, if you are told your 10 year-old daughter's counselor is an 18 year-old freshman in college who plays club soccer and has worked at the day camp for 3 years after being a regular camper there herself, you might tell your child that her counselor sounds like a disciplined, active young lady who has a long-standing reputation at the camp.  This knowledge will give your child comfort and preparedness.   Your child might feel the counselor should have a good handle on the expectations, rules, and obstacles to day camp. 

• Trust your instincts and go with your gut.  If you've done your homework, talked to your child about the changing and bathroom accommodations, checked up on your child's counselor, ensured all employees must first pass a rigorous hiring process, and you still are uneasy...cross this option off your list and start fresh with the next one.  As parents we often second guess our own intuition and, at times, regret this decision down the pike.  Make a deal with yourself that you will only enroll your child in a summer camp or program or day care center that you feel 100% confident in and comfortable with. 

I hope this information was helpful to all.   Happy Summer 2012 to all!  PLEASE remember to leave comments about my blog, what you'd like to see, and if the posts have been helpful to you. 

I will be blogging next on how to talk to your child at any age about personal safety (just in time for summer) and how they have the power to protect themselves.

A Mother's Day Moment

Mother's Day means so many different things to me.  The cynical side of me envisions the retail market wagging their tails at the possibilities for profits on another commercialized day to exploit.  Another side of me hopes for a full day of absolutely no diaper-changing, bath-giving, or bottle-feeding.  But, generally I stick with the warm, cozy side of me that embraces the joy and blessing that is motherhood. 

This year was no different for me except for a few new thoughts.  As I was Mother's Day card shopping and picking up my daughter's medication this past Wednesday, I was experiencing a stressful range of emotions.  My daughter caught the flu early in the week but by Wednesday it had quickly developed into pneumonia.  Last year, the same thing occurred at the same time of year.  Needless to say, on this evening I was feeling especially overwhelmed, concerned, and exhausted as I was floating through Walgreens.  As I was waiting on a long line for the pharmacist with my cards in one hand and my questions regarding all the medications in the other, I noticed three small children literally ransacking the first aid aisle.  The children appeared disorganized and were reacting to this outing frantically.  They were running from aisle to aisle and grabbing items off shelves then throwing them down to the ground.  They were burping out loud and laughing, talking very loudly and to whomever looked their way, and they were throwing random items at their father to buy.  I must confess that normally I would be distracted and possibly even bothered by this display of poor public behavior but the children were so exotic looking and adorable that I took notice a little bit more and quickly gathered a feeling there was more to this story than kids with poor manners. 

The father accompanying the children, to make matter more curious, seemed so loving yet exasperated, like he was trying to wrangle them together but was also trying to please them and tread lightly around them.  I started to soften up as I watched this 3 ring act unfold before me.  The oldest girl was probably 8 years old.  I was struck by how tangential she was, talking rapidly from topic to topic with little cohesion.  She was sweet and innocent and seemed to play the big sister role proudly though all over the place with thoughts and movement.  Her younger sister was following her big sister and younger brother around, just joining in with what they were tearing into.  She was a tiny little thing with a long, black ponytail that swung around as she moved.  The boy was maybe 5 years old and small.  I wanted to give him a Disney-style bath and haircut right then and there.  The father watched the little boy with especially loving eyes and would whisper something sweet to him and wrap his free arm around him as he whipped by.  I was intrigued so I listened to the father as he approached the clerk with a warm though deflated greeting. 

We were both up to the counter at the same time.  I quickly disregarded my questions list and probably seemed so rude to the clerk as I was brief in conversation so that I could listen to this man's tragic story unfolding.  The clerk asked about his wife and if she was recovering at all.  The tired father explained that she was in a facility and with hospice and would not be recovering, even stating that she was, "already gone."  My heart sank into my feet and my stomach just twisted into a knot.  I had a feeling before that there was something going on but this was breaking my heart!  The man continued to say only 5 cases exist nationally of this terrible rare disease she contracted and he was struggling to keep it together for the children.  I had to walk away....literally, I was getting dirty looks from the others waiting on line, unaware probably of what I was hearing. 

I knew, however, that I could not just walk away without saying something to this man, a stranger that I just wanted to hug and offer to whisk his children away for a whirlwind, every-kid's-fantasy type of weekend.  So, I walked down a few aisle, waiting for him to finish paying at the counter, and watching for him to walk away from the crowded pharmacy.  As they moved towards the parking lot, I moved up the aisles and out the store behind them.  The kids were all over the lot leaving cars stopped, their drivers shaking their heads.  I couldn't help but feel sadder and sadder for this father.  I walked to my car and quickly scribbled my name and phone number on a piece of paper and slowly approached with caution and compassion.  I was scared I would be offending him but clearly he was way too overwhelmed to notice me.  I excused myself, apologized for being intrusive, and offered him my crumpled note then stated that I was touched to tears to hear of his story and that I would be more than happy to help anyway I can.  With that, the three children clung to me; one on each leg and the oldest girl around my waist.  Ugh!  They were so lovable and needy!  My eyes started to well-up with tears as they all thanked me.  Thank me?!  This man deserves the accolades.  His sad, swollen face said it all.  He was doing his best to maintain composure, control, and order but all the while his suffering was infecting everything around him.  How could it not?

The point in sharing this is: as parents (or, in keeping with the theme of the holiday, as mothers), we simply want the best for our children and will go at any lengths to shield them from pain, suffering, loss, grief, etc.  Even though we sometimes feel too tired to play one more round of Candy Land or we snap at a simple request when the day has been nothing but demand after demand after demand or sometimes we give them ice pops just to occupy their mouths for five minutes so we can catch our breath...all of that is okay.  There is no handbook to follow or Magic Eraser for moments we wish did not unfold in public.  The fact is, no one said this was going to be easy and yet we continue to have children.  This is because no matter how long we have each other, our children enrich our lives to a level that we could not have reached if not for their presence.  This truly dawned on me, as philosophical as it may seem, as I drove away from that parking lot.  And though I may never hear from this man, I will never forget him nor the lesson he taught me about the power of unconditional parenting in the face of severe adversity.

Why Etiquette & Social Skills Training?

Why is teaching children etiquette & social skills important? 


Etiquette training & social skills training provide answers and confidence as to how children should behave & react properly in social environments.  This is more than just manners.  We are talking about safety, prevention, & assertiveness. 


If you scan your local newspaper each day you will see a headline that points to the reasons why young people are increasingly in need of stronger life skills that will bolster their transition into healthy young adulthood.  Bullying, sexual abuse, & peer pressure are hot topics these days.  Each one of these issues can cause irreparable damage to a child's sense of self & safety.  


As a mother of two girls and a former sex abuse specialist, I understand every parent's worst nightmare of receiving a call that my child has been victimized.  I worked with sex offenders in the correctional and community setting for 6 years.  There are personality characteristics these offenders seek out in child victims to allow them easier access to victims.  Ironically, abusers share many of those same characteristics: poor social skills such as shyness, poor communication skills, weak familial support systems, poor assertiveness skills, and low confidence, for example.  Though not all victims fit this profile, many do and neither the child nor the parent are to blame.


As a child etiquette expert & social skills consultant, I can help your child achieve his or her maximum potential in home, school, & social environments that can better improve their chances for success at each critical moment they face, whether its witnessing or experiencing bullying or improving upon communication and listening skills.  Quite frankly, children benefit from etiquette training & social skills training because it works.