Bus Monitor Bullied by Students click here for link
Its not just the students being bullied on the bus.
This is such a tragedy. To think we live in a society that was founded upon people & neighbors helping one another with raising their respective families, with building their communities, and with basics needs like providing food, shelter, and clothing!
As for the above link, click on it to see the breaking story of a school bus monitor and grandmother in upstate NY who was bullied by several male middle school students on the way to school. Explicit and graphic slurs were hurled at her, as well as threats, as she kept a calm demeanor, fighting back both tears and heartbreak. One particular statement made about her children killing themselves rather than being in her family hit home in the worst way. What these children did not know was this woman faced severe tragedy when her son committed suicide 10 years ago.
News stories of bullies and dangerous child predators seem rampant these days. The lengths that people (both young and old) are going to victimize others, especially children, are frightening. Here are some tips for you to pass onto your children as they embark on what is supposed to be a fun-filled, carefree summer camp experience:
- Decide with your child their goals for the summer and identify possible obstacles.
This is not a negative activity but rather a goal-oriented strategy for how to make the most out of your child's time away from you, their protector. Think of it as a 'sit-down, get out your crayons and construction paper, chart-making' project. Make it fun! Post it where they'll be reminded! What you will be doing here is asking your child to verbalize their plan to achieve the best summer ever and how they will attack roadblocks along the way. You'd be surprised how much they recall in times of need.
- Have a serious discussion about making healthy friendships and relationships.
Children are constantly exposed to conflicting information and visuals when it comes to how to relate to other human beings. Bad behavior, profanity, and poor public manners are widely touted as "cool" and "funny," as evidenced by the popularity of TV shows such as Jersey Shore, where cast members are paid in excess of $125, 000 per episode to curse, urinate in public, walk around in a disorderly & drunken state, and so on and so on. If you don't find the humor in atrocious behavior and don't sit down to watch the Jersey Shore with your kids and a bowl of popcorn then this topic should be comfortable, familiar, and easy as you already have a grip on civility and treating people with kindness. Remember that this conversation with your child as they approach summer camp time can be as easy as you want it to be. Start with simple things. Ask them what their values are, what their morals and mores are. Ask them how they see people being treated outside the home and how it makes them feel. You are getting an idea of your child's empathy (the ability to put oneself in another's situation) and ability to recognize unsavory characteristics in others. This will lead you to a discussion on what types of characteristics to be attracted to in others, and what traits to stay away from.
- Be blunt, direct, and use anatomical terms to explain areas on the body no one is to touch.
Do not mistake your child for being too young to understand that no one is to grab, fondle, or ask to view their 'private parts.' Be straight-faced and matter-of-fact when you tell them that they should know the difference between a good touch and a bad touch. A good touch can be a pat on the back, head, or shoulder for a good well-done or even to get some one's attention or to warn them of danger, like an arm grab to signal them to stop. On the other hand, bad touches feel wrong, icky, hurtful, and may even be done in secret or in hiding spots away from the others. Further note that the doctor or nurse's touch to private areas are good touches, that they are to examine, at times, for illness or injury. Explain that the child's chest/breasts, penis or vagina, and backside are off limits for anyone other than mom, dad, or the doctor. Encourage your child to ask that you or your spouse be called before an adult at camp or day care attempts to examine their bodies, should they feel uncomfortable or unsure of the reason for the examination. As the child gets older, this conversation (which I recommend to be often and in an open, conversational manner) will progress into a more sophisticated discussion on the types of hazardous situations children must be conscious of, such as familial sex abuse. For now, if the child is under 6, I would recommend sticking to basic terms, basic concepts, and simple examples of how to keep ourselves safe when mom and dad are not present. Encourage questions, explain what you are saying simply, and keep the discussion brief, as in 20 minutes or so. Children are very perceptive, even the naive ones, to danger so empower them to trust their instincts.
- Briefly run-down situations that your child should avoid and how to call for help if they feel they are in danger:
If your child is going to be away for the summer at camp or day care and you have had the above discussions with them, end the topic for the day with possible scenarios that might warrant the need to seek help. For example, talk to your kids about bus safety and the importance of being attentive and calm on the bus so the driver can ensure all the children arrive to their destination safely. Remind them that bus drivers are responsible for all the children but that children should speak up if they feel anyone, including the bus driver and/or aid, has behaved in a dangerous or offensive manner. Offer examples to your child and ask them to recite some as well of unsafe scenarios. Make sure your child understands the important points you want them to by asking they to provide you with examples. This goes for counselors, instructors, or day care employees. Be sure your child knows they are not to leave the group with someone they do not feel they know or trust and that they never go to isolated places where other kids or adults cannot be seen. Be sure to tell your child they should report to you anything he or she feels, thinks, or sees as bizarre, unfair, or down-right creepy behavior.
For more tips or private consultation, please contact me today!
