Halloween Horrors - Safety First

With Halloween creeping up our doorsteps, its important to consider discussing safety measures with our children.

I remember a few years back when I was working as a consultant for the State Parole Board the hustle and bustle around the parole offices this time of year regarding Halloween safety measures.  Sex offenders being supervised by parole (that is, convicted sex offenders who are living in the community) were given curfew restrictions on Halloween for the children's safety, as well as their own safety from vigilante justice.  Its a scary thought but the reality is that children will be walking up to the homes of anonymous people that on 364 days of the year they never will.  Where do the dangers lie?  How can we ensure our kids will have fun and be safe?  Consider this...

• If when you think of a sex offender you imagine a creepy looking stranger who dwells under bridges, waiting to grab an unsuspecting child who passes, you've seen way too many movies.  Its true that the overwhelming majority of sex offenders are not strangers to their victims.  Most offenders are related to their victims or hold a power of position over children familiar to them.  However, all dangerous offenders live in all types of neighborhoods and work in various professional fields.  We're talking men and women (though a tiny percentage) who maintain adult relationships, own a home, have long-term employment, have children, ect.  Map a route for trick-or-treating that you're familiar with and always accompany your child.  Go in groups, bring a charged cell phone and flashlight, and, you know what, go with your gut and stay away from the neighborhood creeps!  Don't verbalize these concerns, thereby starting possible rumors, just gently steer your kids away from the people that give you the willies.  For example, I would say to my kids, "Come over here!  Let's get the next house with the giant spiders!"  The last thing you want to do is label and stigmatize people, regardless of your perception of them.

• Online sex offender registries make available to the public information about certain sex offenders that are required to register as per Megan's Law.  If you read that carefully, you'll note one very important fact: only certain sex offenders are required to register.  Coding a sex offender's risk to re-offend is based on static and dynamic factors.  Static factors are those that do not change over time, such as age at first offense, number of known victims, or prior criminal history.  Dynamic factors are changeable factors, those that are amenable to intervention.  Employment, address, substance abuse, and relationship status are examples of factors.  This being said, Megan's Law registrants with Internet notification requirements are typically medium and high-risk offenders.  This leaves out a large group of "low risk"offenders who have managed to live under the radar (and in all types of neighborhoods).  You can check out the NJ State Police website for facts and public information on  registered sex offenders living in your region.  Remember, what you see is not necessarily what you get.  Sexual assault is one of the most largely under-prosecuted offenses because it is under-reported and with the magnitude of shame, fear, and embarrassment associated with sexual abuse, is it any wonder?

• Costumes offer anonymity and arousal material.  Halloween offers a lot more opportunity that usual for luring incidents to occur (there are more children on the street, there are distractions all around, adults are talking and not always paying close attention, ect.).  Make sure you know exactly what your child is wearing (snap a quick pic with your cell phone if you are not personally accompanying your child for trick-or-treating) and that you talk seriously with your child about staying close to the adult in charge. Be sure your child knows the route they will be on and send them off with a cell phone in case they need to reach you.  As for costumes, minimize your child's risk from victimization by ensuring the costume is age-appropriate.  I saw two pretty pre-teen girls today in the Halloween costume store purchasing overly-sexualized, suggestive costumes...from the children's section of the store.  I get it....teen aged girls are a tangled ball of raging hormones.  Many of these kids take the opportunity of Halloween to dress in a sexy costume that will attract a lot of attention.  I suggest talking to teenagers dressing in sexually suggestive costumes about the dangers of attracting grown-up attention and the messages that provocative costumes may send.

I don't think a parent can be protective and pro-active enough when it comes to sex abuse safety.  Consider these tips and, more importantly, do not over-burden your child with 'stranger danger' fear.  Being alert and taking safety precautions will ensure a happy, fun Halloween!

Bully Awareness Month - NJ Gang Conference TONIGHT

CLICK HERE: Gangs...Not Just A City Problem


A few years ago, I went to a training on adolescent gang violence conducted by Lt. Ed Torres of the State Commission of Investigation.  I worked in a medium security juvenile prison, the highest level of security for juvenile confinement in NJ.  It was a rough place to work, plain & simple.  Besides the overall stink inside the dingy, decrepit buildings I was a young woman in a sea of incarcerated adolescents with rap sheets three times longer than my fresh-out-of grad-school credentials. 
Some of these teenagers were in prison for rape, murder, armed robbery, arson, and assault; all very serious violent offenses. The gang rivalry, recruitment, and extortion going on inside the confines of this campus was almost uncontainable. Kids affiliated with certain gangs were divided and separated so to avoid breakout violence in dorms.

Anyway, I knew gangs were a major dilemma (if not THE major issue) for prison administrators and officers but what I learned in that seminar on that day simply shocked me to my core.  A map of New Jersey popped up on the screen Lt. Torres was presenting his Powerpoint slides on with red, blue, yellow, and black dots littering the entire map of New Jersey.  Very little was left of the outline of New Jersey.  The dots indicated active gang presence and not just by county....by municipality.  Newton, Clinton, Somerville, Old Bridge, Freehold, Ocean, Toms River, Allentown, all the way down into the Pine Barrons and South Jersey.  They are here, they are EVERYWHERE, and they go to school with your children. 

Do not be naive or foolish to think your town is not on that map. 

Lt. Ed Torres is hosting a seminar on the new gang presence in town TONIGHT, October 4th from 7-9pm at Somerville Middle School at 55 W Cliff St.  The Spanish-version is held at Franklin Middle School on Oct. 16th from 7-9pm in the Franklin Middle School at 415 Francis St. in the Somerset-section of Franklin.  This is something all middle school parents should attend.  Make the trip. 

Back to School Woes

I haven't updated my blog in a while and for that I apologize.  It has been a long summer.  So many of you have e-mailed and called me to tell me how much you enjoy reading my blog.  I appreciate that so very much.  As always, if anything interests you or you'd like to see more of please e-mail me at: andreagarrotema@gmail.com.  Please also contact me if you or someone/some school is interested in my consulting services.

As for September, we should all be getting used to the changes by now: new school, classroom, teacher, friends, teams, ect.  Back to school nights are full steam ahead and we are already looking to the winter holidays, which are exactly three months away.  Some of us make these adjustments smoothly and others...not so much.  If you, your child, or someone you know is less-than-thrilled to be back in the saddle, here are a few helpful tips my clients have found helpful when they expressed nervousness & anxiety with new social situations...

BACK TO SCHOOL WOES  :(

Prepare yourself/your child each night for the next day by having an open discussion about the perceived challenges.  Keep it light-hearted and positive.  Discussions should be relaxed & during an easy time of day.  For example, choose the dinner table, bath time, or before bed time.  The goal is to choose a calm, stress-free time of day to briefly communicate the events & opportunities that the next day will bring.  If you're nervous about a college exam or how your child will handle a new lunch hour, take this time to think clearly, free from distraction, in order for you to deduce: 1. the details of the upcoming challenge, 2. possible situations that may occur during this situation (ie. Your child doesn't recognize any of her friends at this new lunch hour or your child sees a new group of friends she'd like to approach to join for lunch), and 3. potential outcomes, both positive and negative.  Emphasis should be on how to confront the challenge & overcome scary scenarios while keeping the tone positive.  Just because you're identifying possible negative situations does not mean you are thinking negatively.  You're being realistic & exploring both sides of the fence.

Organization = Preparation.  Its aways strangely exciting to me when I walk into Staples or Target to buy organizational materials like a new calendar or notebooks.  I love the potential for total organization!  Being organized (and keeping your organizer organized) eliminates the threat of being surprised, tardy and unprepared.  Take a few moments on the same day each week to mark your calendar with your and your family's weekly appointments, special events, and deadlines.  Your child will have increased confidence if they know what to expect each day.  Keep your family calendar by the front door so it becomes a healthy habit to glance over at the day's events while you're rushing out the door.  Also you can create reminders on the calendar of most cellular phones, attaching an alarm to the entry, if you wish.  I have my kids weekly sports practices entered into my cell phone calendar so each Wednesday I receive a weekly reminder to be at gymnastics at 12:30pm or Saturday soccer practice at 8:30am.  Keeping your calendar organized and within eye sight will ensure your child remembers those pesky small details like bringing lunch money on hot lunch days or permission slips for field trips.

He shoots...he SCORES!  Goal-setting is one of the most important tenets to success.  Ask yourself or your child, what do you what to get out of this? Identify any obstacles that may be present, such as nervousness or anxiety, being the new kid in an unfamiliar school, or shy personalities, for example.  Have a few goals at hand.  The more the merrier!  Envisioning success is key to achieving your goals.  Another tip for goal-setting with children, especially with young children, is to lay the foundation for success by leaving them tangible reminders.  I like the idea of a special charm bracelet that holds symbols of achievement, a soccer ball, book, or diploma, for example.  Invest in a few self-help books for kids or teens.  Leave post-it notes with positive affirmations in their bathroom mirror, on the back of their bedroom door, or in their lunch box.  He may roll his eyes but sometimes you just gotta fake it 'till you make it!

Summer Safety for Campers

Bus Monitor Bullied by Students click here for link


Its not just the students being bullied on the bus.

This is such a tragedy.  To think we live in a society that was founded upon people & neighbors helping one another with raising their respective families, with building their communities, and with basics needs like providing food, shelter, and clothing! 

As for the above link, click on it to see the breaking story of a school bus monitor and grandmother in upstate NY who was bullied by several male middle school students on the way to school.  Explicit and graphic slurs were hurled at her, as well as threats, as she kept a calm demeanor, fighting back both tears and heartbreak.  One particular statement made about her children killing themselves rather than being in her family hit home in the worst way.  What these children did not know was this woman faced severe tragedy when her son committed suicide 10 years ago. 

News stories of bullies and dangerous child predators seem rampant these days.  The lengths that people (both young and old) are going to victimize others, especially children, are frightening.  Here are some tips for you to pass onto your children as they embark on what is supposed to be a fun-filled, carefree summer camp experience:

• Decide with your child their goals for the summer and identify possible obstacles.

This is not a negative activity but rather a goal-oriented strategy for how to make the most out of your child's time away from you, their protector.  Think of it as a 'sit-down, get out your crayons and construction paper, chart-making' project.  Make it fun!  Post it where they'll be reminded!  What you will be doing here is asking your child to verbalize their plan to achieve the best summer ever and how they will attack roadblocks along the way.  You'd be surprised how much they recall in times of need.

• Have a serious discussion about making healthy friendships and relationships.

Children are constantly exposed to conflicting information and visuals when it comes to how to relate to other human beings.  Bad behavior, profanity, and poor public manners are widely touted as "cool" and "funny," as evidenced by the popularity of TV shows such as Jersey Shore, where cast members are paid in excess of $125, 000 per episode to curse, urinate in public, walk around in a disorderly & drunken state, and so on and so on.  If you don't find the humor in atrocious behavior and don't sit down to watch the Jersey Shore with your kids and a bowl of popcorn then this topic should be comfortable, familiar, and easy as you already have a grip on civility and treating people with kindness.  Remember that this conversation with your child as they approach summer camp time can be as easy as you want it to be.  Start with simple things.  Ask them what their values are, what their morals and mores are.  Ask them how they see people being treated outside the home and how it makes them feel.  You are getting an idea of your child's empathy (the ability to put oneself in another's situation) and ability to recognize unsavory characteristics in others.  This will lead you to a discussion on what types of characteristics to be attracted to in others, and what traits to stay away from.

• Be blunt, direct, and use anatomical terms to explain areas on the body no one is to touch.

Do not mistake your child for being too young to understand that no one is to grab, fondle, or ask to view their 'private parts.'  Be straight-faced and matter-of-fact when you tell them that they should know the difference between a good touch and a bad touch.  A good touch can be a pat on the back, head, or shoulder for a good well-done or even to get some one's attention or to warn them of danger, like an arm grab to signal them to stop.  On the other hand, bad touches feel wrong, icky, hurtful, and may even be done in secret or in hiding spots away from the others.  Further note that the doctor or nurse's touch to private areas are good touches, that they are to examine, at times, for illness or injury.  Explain that the child's chest/breasts, penis or vagina, and backside are off limits for anyone other than mom, dad, or the doctor.  Encourage your child to ask that you or your spouse be called before an adult at camp or day care attempts to examine their bodies, should they feel uncomfortable or unsure of the reason for the examination.  As the child gets older, this conversation (which I recommend to be often and in an open, conversational manner) will progress into a more sophisticated discussion on the types of hazardous situations children must be conscious of, such as familial sex abuse.  For now, if the child is under 6, I would recommend sticking to basic terms, basic concepts, and simple examples of how to keep ourselves safe when mom and dad are not present.  Encourage questions, explain what you are saying simply, and keep the discussion brief, as in 20 minutes or so.  Children are very perceptive, even the naive ones, to danger so empower them to trust their instincts. 

• Briefly run-down situations that your child should avoid and how to call for help if they feel they are in danger:

If your child is going to be away for the summer at camp or day care and you have had the above discussions with them, end the topic for the day with possible scenarios that might warrant the need to seek help.  For example, talk to your kids about bus safety and the importance of being attentive and calm on the bus so the driver can ensure all the children arrive to their destination safely.  Remind them that bus drivers are responsible for all the children but that children should speak up if they feel anyone, including the bus driver and/or aid, has behaved in a dangerous or offensive manner.  Offer examples to your child and ask them to recite some as well of unsafe scenarios.  Make sure your child understands the important points you want them to by asking they to provide you with examples.  This goes for counselors, instructors, or day care employees.  Be sure your child knows they are not to leave the group with someone they do not feel they know or trust and that they never go to isolated places where other kids or adults cannot be seen.  Be sure to tell your child they should report to you anything he or she feels, thinks, or sees as bizarre, unfair, or down-right creepy behavior.



For more tips or private consultation, please contact me today!

Summer Safety Tips for Parents

People often ask me about my experiences as a sex offender specialist.  Many times they seem fascinated and often times others seem a little confused.  Why I would choose such a career path, they ask.  Does it make a difference for a sex offender to receive counseling after they have already offended?  Well, there is a very long-winded answer to this question but it relates to the topic of child safety tips for parents now that summer is here. 

Though my own children are very small I would still like to consider summer activities for my soon-to-be 4 year-old that will be mutually rewarding: my child gets to have fun in a safe environment and mommy has reliable childcare.  Where my child will be and who will be around them are my number 1 concerns.  As I look for summer activities for my own little one I can't help but feel overwhelmed by hundreds of summer camps, programs, and sitters out there advertising for my business.  I don't know about you but in the area I live in, I can name 10 summer camps or programs off the top of my head.  There are 5 major summer day camps in my area that,to me, rival Disney World in size, offerings, and features.  Besides the big ticket summer camps there are local county parks programs or township recreation programs or local business programs and don't forget sleep-away and travel camps for the older kids.  It seems like a camp or program exists for every possible interest.  The options are endless!  So, where does one start to narrow it down? 

The only sure-thing we know is that we are running out of time to make a decision as this school year is swiftly coming to a close.  As many working parents are preparing and planning for the lapse of adult supervision that is summer vacation, their needs will most likely fall around finding full-day coverage for their kids.  While it may seem that there are so many options to choose from, choosing carefully will be the tricky part.  Regardless of the theme for summer camp 2012, consider making your child's personal safety the number one decision-making factor.  Here are some tips to secure your chosen camp or childcare providor is a perfect match when it comes to your child's personal safety:

• Do not make any decisions over the phone or on the Internet.  This may seem to some as common sense but consider this...we often make decisions based on what our friends and family do.  The urge to act off assumption (ie., thinking, 'My friend/family would not send their child to a place that isn't clean and safe.') but you must do your own homework.  Referrals, reputation, and reviews are great but when it comes to making a decision on where your child will be spending their time while away from you this summer narrow down your choices and make an appointment to check a few places out.  Some important things to note with regards to your child's personal safety are ensuring all employees of the camp or institution where your child will be spending their summer have been cleared by a criminal background check, the accomodations/rest rooms/isolated areas are up to your standards, you feel comfortable with the type of person your child's camp counselor or sitter is, and trust your instincts.

• Ask about company policy with regards to background checks.  Check to see that all employees are first cleared for working with children by a full criminal background check and ask if any employees have ever been convicted of a violent offense and/or an offense involving a child.  You have every right to know the answer to this question so you can make the best decision on where to send your child.  If the summer program is a private business or day care provider, do your own full background check on all persons working or living within the facility or private home with their permission.  The way in which a facility handles the issue of background checks will yield more answer as to how seriously they take the issue of child safety.  A facility that is less than happy to share this information with you or is wishy-washy with their answer is a facility I would stay away from as they might not take the child safety precautions that you would.

• Tour the facility and pay close attention to the accommodations.  Schedule a day and time where you can be guided on a full tour and pay particular attention to the areas where your child will likely be changing his/her clothes.  Note areas that are isolated and may be difficult to get to or see from the general grounds.  Ask a lot of questions about these areas: who has access to them, what are they used for, have children ever wandered off alone to them.  It may seem overly protective and maybe even a bit cynical but in all honesty safety and privacy are as important to children as they are to adults.  I would look for bunks/dorms, changing areas, and restrooms that provide full privacy and are sturdy (ie. well-built and free from holes to the outside or another room).  I cannot tell you how many times I have heard stories (from offenders themselves) of what is called "non-contact sexual offenses" of children who were bathing, changing their clothes, or using a restroom.  People who achieve sexual arousal by opportunistic, non-contact situations are impulsive and often fly under the radar.  The result is a victim who feels helpless and unsure (possibly even scared) of what they experienced and often do not tell.  Opportunistic offenders use real-life scenarios such as bathing a child, changing a child, or helping a child use the restroom to sexually abuse.  To maximize your child's safety take note of this and these areas and make a note to discuss the issue of personal safety while away from the group, changing clothes, and using the restroom while they are at camp.

• Ask questions about the person or camp counselor directly responsible for your child during their stay.  If you have a daughter, be sure a female is in charge.  If you have a son, be sure there is a male in charge.  This is usually the case but it is, again, it is foolish to make assumptions.  It may seem obvious but your child will feel more comfortable with her or his counselor if they are of the same gender.  While on the tour ask about this counselor that is expected to be in charge of your child.  Ask what their age is, where they have worked in the past, what their personality is like, how long they have been employed by the camp or business, and how she/her is regarded by other employees or even past campers and parents.  The answers to these questions will provide you with a profile of who this counselor is and how they might react to your child's personality and behavior.  From there you can decide how you will discuss with your child potential situations that may occur and how the counselor might handle it.  For instance, if you are told your 10 year-old daughter's counselor is an 18 year-old freshman in college who plays club soccer and has worked at the day camp for 3 years after being a regular camper there herself, you might tell your child that her counselor sounds like a disciplined, active young lady who has a long-standing reputation at the camp.  This knowledge will give your child comfort and preparedness.   Your child might feel the counselor should have a good handle on the expectations, rules, and obstacles to day camp. 

• Trust your instincts and go with your gut.  If you've done your homework, talked to your child about the changing and bathroom accommodations, checked up on your child's counselor, ensured all employees must first pass a rigorous hiring process, and you still are uneasy...cross this option off your list and start fresh with the next one.  As parents we often second guess our own intuition and, at times, regret this decision down the pike.  Make a deal with yourself that you will only enroll your child in a summer camp or program or day care center that you feel 100% confident in and comfortable with. 

I hope this information was helpful to all.   Happy Summer 2012 to all!  PLEASE remember to leave comments about my blog, what you'd like to see, and if the posts have been helpful to you. 

I will be blogging next on how to talk to your child at any age about personal safety (just in time for summer) and how they have the power to protect themselves.

A Mother's Day Moment

Mother's Day means so many different things to me.  The cynical side of me envisions the retail market wagging their tails at the possibilities for profits on another commercialized day to exploit.  Another side of me hopes for a full day of absolutely no diaper-changing, bath-giving, or bottle-feeding.  But, generally I stick with the warm, cozy side of me that embraces the joy and blessing that is motherhood. 

This year was no different for me except for a few new thoughts.  As I was Mother's Day card shopping and picking up my daughter's medication this past Wednesday, I was experiencing a stressful range of emotions.  My daughter caught the flu early in the week but by Wednesday it had quickly developed into pneumonia.  Last year, the same thing occurred at the same time of year.  Needless to say, on this evening I was feeling especially overwhelmed, concerned, and exhausted as I was floating through Walgreens.  As I was waiting on a long line for the pharmacist with my cards in one hand and my questions regarding all the medications in the other, I noticed three small children literally ransacking the first aid aisle.  The children appeared disorganized and were reacting to this outing frantically.  They were running from aisle to aisle and grabbing items off shelves then throwing them down to the ground.  They were burping out loud and laughing, talking very loudly and to whomever looked their way, and they were throwing random items at their father to buy.  I must confess that normally I would be distracted and possibly even bothered by this display of poor public behavior but the children were so exotic looking and adorable that I took notice a little bit more and quickly gathered a feeling there was more to this story than kids with poor manners. 

The father accompanying the children, to make matter more curious, seemed so loving yet exasperated, like he was trying to wrangle them together but was also trying to please them and tread lightly around them.  I started to soften up as I watched this 3 ring act unfold before me.  The oldest girl was probably 8 years old.  I was struck by how tangential she was, talking rapidly from topic to topic with little cohesion.  She was sweet and innocent and seemed to play the big sister role proudly though all over the place with thoughts and movement.  Her younger sister was following her big sister and younger brother around, just joining in with what they were tearing into.  She was a tiny little thing with a long, black ponytail that swung around as she moved.  The boy was maybe 5 years old and small.  I wanted to give him a Disney-style bath and haircut right then and there.  The father watched the little boy with especially loving eyes and would whisper something sweet to him and wrap his free arm around him as he whipped by.  I was intrigued so I listened to the father as he approached the clerk with a warm though deflated greeting. 

We were both up to the counter at the same time.  I quickly disregarded my questions list and probably seemed so rude to the clerk as I was brief in conversation so that I could listen to this man's tragic story unfolding.  The clerk asked about his wife and if she was recovering at all.  The tired father explained that she was in a facility and with hospice and would not be recovering, even stating that she was, "already gone."  My heart sank into my feet and my stomach just twisted into a knot.  I had a feeling before that there was something going on but this was breaking my heart!  The man continued to say only 5 cases exist nationally of this terrible rare disease she contracted and he was struggling to keep it together for the children.  I had to walk away....literally, I was getting dirty looks from the others waiting on line, unaware probably of what I was hearing. 

I knew, however, that I could not just walk away without saying something to this man, a stranger that I just wanted to hug and offer to whisk his children away for a whirlwind, every-kid's-fantasy type of weekend.  So, I walked down a few aisle, waiting for him to finish paying at the counter, and watching for him to walk away from the crowded pharmacy.  As they moved towards the parking lot, I moved up the aisles and out the store behind them.  The kids were all over the lot leaving cars stopped, their drivers shaking their heads.  I couldn't help but feel sadder and sadder for this father.  I walked to my car and quickly scribbled my name and phone number on a piece of paper and slowly approached with caution and compassion.  I was scared I would be offending him but clearly he was way too overwhelmed to notice me.  I excused myself, apologized for being intrusive, and offered him my crumpled note then stated that I was touched to tears to hear of his story and that I would be more than happy to help anyway I can.  With that, the three children clung to me; one on each leg and the oldest girl around my waist.  Ugh!  They were so lovable and needy!  My eyes started to well-up with tears as they all thanked me.  Thank me?!  This man deserves the accolades.  His sad, swollen face said it all.  He was doing his best to maintain composure, control, and order but all the while his suffering was infecting everything around him.  How could it not?

The point in sharing this is: as parents (or, in keeping with the theme of the holiday, as mothers), we simply want the best for our children and will go at any lengths to shield them from pain, suffering, loss, grief, etc.  Even though we sometimes feel too tired to play one more round of Candy Land or we snap at a simple request when the day has been nothing but demand after demand after demand or sometimes we give them ice pops just to occupy their mouths for five minutes so we can catch our breath...all of that is okay.  There is no handbook to follow or Magic Eraser for moments we wish did not unfold in public.  The fact is, no one said this was going to be easy and yet we continue to have children.  This is because no matter how long we have each other, our children enrich our lives to a level that we could not have reached if not for their presence.  This truly dawned on me, as philosophical as it may seem, as I drove away from that parking lot.  And though I may never hear from this man, I will never forget him nor the lesson he taught me about the power of unconditional parenting in the face of severe adversity.

Why Etiquette & Social Skills Training?

Why is teaching children etiquette & social skills important? 


Etiquette training & social skills training provide answers and confidence as to how children should behave & react properly in social environments.  This is more than just manners.  We are talking about safety, prevention, & assertiveness. 


If you scan your local newspaper each day you will see a headline that points to the reasons why young people are increasingly in need of stronger life skills that will bolster their transition into healthy young adulthood.  Bullying, sexual abuse, & peer pressure are hot topics these days.  Each one of these issues can cause irreparable damage to a child's sense of self & safety.  


As a mother of two girls and a former sex abuse specialist, I understand every parent's worst nightmare of receiving a call that my child has been victimized.  I worked with sex offenders in the correctional and community setting for 6 years.  There are personality characteristics these offenders seek out in child victims to allow them easier access to victims.  Ironically, abusers share many of those same characteristics: poor social skills such as shyness, poor communication skills, weak familial support systems, poor assertiveness skills, and low confidence, for example.  Though not all victims fit this profile, many do and neither the child nor the parent are to blame.


As a child etiquette expert & social skills consultant, I can help your child achieve his or her maximum potential in home, school, & social environments that can better improve their chances for success at each critical moment they face, whether its witnessing or experiencing bullying or improving upon communication and listening skills.  Quite frankly, children benefit from etiquette training & social skills training because it works.